Musashi Mix Inq

Snow Fall – Jon Snow, Game of Thrones

Posted on July 29, 2013

Snow Fall

"I fight for the side that fights for the living."

— Jon Snow —

A lone wolf lost in the wild.


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Filed under: Art, Fan Art, film No Comments

Palliativity 202: I’ve come to far to go back now

Posted on July 25, 2013

It's been 6 weeks since my second RFA and I'm still a bit of a mess. This isn't easy to write. I feel like a fucking loser.

My pain isn't as bad as it was before my initial treatment back in January, but I had 4 months made of seasoned-curly fried gold. No limits to activity. No vicodin. Minimal injections. I even stopped taking all of my daily meds. I was free.

In May things started to backslide. I had RFA a second time. It worked so well before, but my recovery has not yielded the same immediate and miraculous result. At six weeks out, I'm still in pain. The nerves are dead but the muscles are aching, burning and tight. I've been struggling to keep things together. New meds. Vicodin every night. Having to pace myself… again. Counting spoons and tracking every detail of my day. The stressful and sad minutes deciding whether it's really worth it to go for a walk, see friends, try to go back to sleep or just count the hours.

My doc asked today if I'm depressed—

Before, when the chronic pain was at its worst, the act of living really came down to this: I couldn't let myself feel. There is a place for emotional self-assessment with chronic pain, but it must be done carefully and at a distance. Merely an observation, like checking gauges on the dashboard while cruising down the highway. Eyes on the road. On rough days, all that kept me going was momentum. If I stopped, everything stopped. I would just clutch my knees on the floor and rock and cry and babble and pound my head against the wall until my partner or meds or the cold light of early dawn would draw me out of it. I first believed in the soul because I was trapped inside of body inside of pain inside of a world that couldn't see me.

I exist in here. I promise…

And then this year, I was set free thru might and magic and research and lasers and compassion and tenacity and health insurance. Those four months were real and I'm going to get myself back.

So no, I'm not cured and I never was. I was merely in remission. This is a temporary falter in a lifelong struggle. Every morning I rally strength and every night I toast to the long night and a better tomorrow.

— I'm not depressed. I'm on a mission.


Filed under: Blog, Pain, Q No Comments

Cara Mia – Chell through the Portal

Posted on July 22, 2013

Enjoy the artwork, you monster.


Cara Mia

"The Enrichment Center is committed to the well being of all participants.

Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test.

Thank you for helping us help you help us all."

— GLaDOS —


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Posted on July 15, 2013


“You have made me ashamed of the wasted years.

You have made me acknowledge that no darkness has ever been deep enough

to extinguish my personal knowledge of love.

And all around me in this world I see evidence of love. I see love. I see it in the human struggle.

I see its undeniable penetration in all that humans have accomplished in their poetry, their painting, their music,

their love of one another and refusal to accept suffering as their lot.”

― Anne Rice, Pandora —


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Palliativity 201: I’ve already spent too much time doing things I didn’t want to…

Posted on July 11, 2013

Do it With a Rockstar - Amanda Palmer


"Smile— the end is near and it's high time. The light's amazing, man.

So time your Instagram, the rapture swallowing the land.

But we're the last ones laughing. Pictures or it didn't happen."

— Amanda Fucking Palmer, Smile

I realize that my art is a much more direct reference of a reference than most.

When people ask, I am happy to share where all the pieces came from and how they came to dance together:

Most people will just nod and process the flood of info they weren't really ready for.

Some people really get into it and an intense hour-long conversation can pass in an instant.

Others get angry, because digital and collage and reproducible and probably cause they didn't think of it first.

No apologies here.

Go make your own art.

My favorite ones just walk up to a piece, laugh and smile. Those are the people that really get me.



Filed under: Art, Blog, Fan Art, Music, Pain, Pop No Comments


Posted on July 8, 2013


"Every act of creation is first an act of destruction."

— Pablo Picasso —


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