Musashi Mix Inq

Palliativity 185: Progress

Posted on February 28, 2013

Two weeks out and I'm still feeling great from my RFA procedure. I haven't taken opiods nor injected lidocaine for longer than any other time in the last four years. It's been so long that I forgot that advil can actually have an effect on sore muscles. Nothing less than codine could cut any of my pain til now.

I'm back in physical therapy retraining my body to work as it is supposed to. Cervical Facet Syndrome caused my left trapezoid to be stuck in the on position for the past 15 years. Before my procedure, the rest of the muscle group stood no chance of catching up. Now it's time for them to take over. For a person my size and being a judo sensei, it is hard for people to believe that I have weak muscles. In reality, it is difficult to hold up my own arm. Right now I am working day by day to fix all that.

Letting go of the pain has been the easy part. I am still learning what I am capable of. It's a lot like the exciting part of the comic book where the hero discovers their new powers. I got struck by a scifi laser blast and now can do mundane and totally awesome things that most people never have to worry about. Traveling on a plane and not counting the seconds til I can shoot up again. Sit in a chair without arms and not die. Have a hard judo practice and be able to sleep the next two nights. Small victories that make a huge quality of life difference.

Rock it out:


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Styx Crossing

Posted on February 25, 2013

Styx Crossing

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.

And no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dream.

You drown not by falling into a river, but by staying submerged in it."

— Paulo Coelho —

origin: beatrice romaine brooks - subject: ida rubinstein - orient: right over left


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Palliativity 184: breaking free

Posted on February 20, 2013

I am writing this entry from a new state of consciousness. After 15 years of severe and undiagnosed chronic pain, I have ascended to the land of the living.

No longer am I slave to a constant performance; a well-practiced illusion, an exhausting daily dance. Hope was a struggle. I could try to let go of the rage and the sadness, but never the pain

I am the King of Masks

The Fragile Titan

The Penitent Junkie

The Needle Prophet and Capsule Clown

Just one week after my life changing procedure, I am no longer a prisoner of this torment.

The past few days have been like waking into a dream. Day by day, I am making progress. Progress is something I never thought I could achieve.

Now I am more than just a pile of ash and bone and medical bills. Like the Phoenix, I have been reborn thanks to the laser-blasting fire of modern-fucking-medicine.

People have been asking me how I feel. For the first time in my life, I can actually be honest when answering.

Pain level: 0

Flawless Victory


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Amaterasu – Sun Goddess

Posted on February 18, 2013


Amaterasu (天照), Amaterasu-ōmikami (天照大神/天照大御神) or Ōhirume-no-muchi-no-kami (大日孁貴神)

Amaterasu is a part of the Japanese myth cycle and also a major deity of the Shinto religion. She is the goddess of the sun, but also of the universe. The name Amaterasu derived from Amateru meaning 'shining in heaven.' The meaning of her whole name, Amaterasu-ōmikami, is 'the great august kami (Gama or God) who shines in the heaven'.  The Emperor of Japan is said to be a direct descendant of Amaterasu." - wiki

Shine on, you crazy diamond.


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Filed under: Art, Atomic, Nouveau, sorrow No Comments

Palliativity 183: Tempura Kidz

Posted on February 14, 2013

My procedure went very well! My condition even has a name: cervical facet syndrome.

 I'm healing up and hopeful about my health for the first time that I can remember.

In the meantime:



(previously known as the dancing vegetable crew)

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Posted on February 11, 2013


“Now spring restores the balmy heat, now zephyr's sweet breezes calm the rage of the equinoctial sky.”

— Catullus, Roman poet (84-54 BC) —


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Filed under: Art, Nouveau, sorrow No Comments