• Imprint(s): M357
• Strength(s): 500 mg / 5 mg
• Color: White
• Shape: Elliptical / Oval
• Size (mm): 17 X 7 X 5
• Drug Class: Narcotic analgesic combinations
• CSA Schedule: 3 – Moderate abuse potential

My happiness runs on manual only. The endorphin compounds constantly coursing through my body to fight the chronic pain merely serve as a bandage on an open wound. My biology has given up on fixing the problem on its own; its only recourse is to lead me to distraction.

Endorphins are the filter through which our bodies can experience the world, acting as a safety net for when the world hits back. When the spinal cord transmits data for excitement, exertion, pain or love, the pituitary gland releases a burst of pure happy before it hits the brain. For me this is like a travel-pillow strapped to the front of a pick-up truck.

My chronic condition monopolizes most of my endorphins, leaving me feeling like Dorothy stuck in black and white. Depression is the inevitable state of being; I am the rock in the field. After 13 years of living like this, I am finally able to appreciate a long-lens view of how I’ve managed to stay afloat.

Four years ago, M357 came into my life. My first hit was a rocket blast Dark-Side-of-the-Moon ride over the rainbow, radiant in glorious over-saturated Technicolor. This is what happiness feels like. This is what it feels like to have control over my existence; to feel elation for being alive.

While medicated, I began allowing myself to feel all of the things that had been buried under years of distracting myself from pain; you are now free to roam about the cabin. Sadly the flight is only four hours long and the drug isn’t a cure. M357 helps me look into the abyss and salvage my dark reflection.

Am I an addict? Yes. I am addicted to feeling alive.

The Buddha said, “life is suffering”. Miles Vorkosigan said, “biology is destiny”. I say, get over it —

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[*Source: www.drugs.com]