Musashi Mix Inq

2016 – Year in Review

Posted on January 2, 2017

2016

Sing for the dead. Cry for the living. Dance until the world crumbles beneath you feet.

Always forward. Forward always. This is why we fight.

Thank you for being here.

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Unbroken – Saint Sebastian

Posted on December 26, 2016

Unbroken

"This is why
Why we fight
Why we lie awake
And this is why
This is why we fight
When we die
We will die
With our arms unbound"

— The Decemberists, This is Why We Fight

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2016: Looking for the Crest of a New Wave

Posted on December 23, 2016

2016. It's been quite a lap around the sun.

I sit here writing in the surreal warm glow of another glorious Florida winter with my pregnant wife and loving in-laws while Chicago and the rest of the world seem to be freezing over. A new age is rising and everyone has their opinion of when it started and who to blame. In reality, we are always living in the middle of a how. Rome is burning and it only feels fitting to be strumming along on my ukulele while staring down an alligator in my pajamas.

That said, most of me feels so liberated and happy; to be genuinely living for the first time. If that means launching into a time of fear and struggle, then I couldn't imagine being more prepared. Every carefully placed step of this journey has brought me closer to the world. From what I understand, this is the part where you meet the edge and jump; this is the part where you fly.

Sonogram at 21 weeks followed by meeting Laura Jane Grace on her book tour - 12/2/16

In my experience thus far, there isn't a single process more intentional than trying to get pregnant while transitioning. The day I started hormones in 2015 was also the day Steph and I found out we miscarried. This has been our hell and back year. Two IUIs, patience, and tidal waves of hope and support later, here we are. While heroes fall and pervasive hate continues to rise to the surface, for me all of that loss is wrapped up in the old identity I used to carry, jettisoned off like a rocket-booster on my way towards the stars: action/ reaction.

I can't wait to meet the new person that my love and I have created. I can't wait to see how they will make this world a better place.

It's also hard to be scared when you meet one of your heroes the same day that you get your first glimpse of your future child.

"It doesn't look how it feels on the inside." - Laura Jane Grace, Tranny

I know that whatever our kiddo does, they'll be a rockstar.

Here's to 2017 and the next adventure!

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Enter Sandman – Neil Gaiman

Posted on December 19, 2016

Enter Sandman

"You get what anyone gets;

you get a lifetime."

— Death, Sandman —

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True Trans Soul Rebel

Posted on December 12, 2016

True Trans Soul Rebel

"All dressed up and nowhere to go
Walking the streets all alone
Another night to wish you could forget
Making yourself up as you go along"

— Against Me —

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Substance

Posted on December 10, 2016

A is for anxiety
B is for body dysphoria
C is for can't
D is for death
E is for escape
F is for fear
G is for gatekeeper
H is for hope

Sorry— sometimes I get confused.

Alcohol is for anxiety
Vicodin is for pain
Hormones are for life
Lasers are for nerve endings
Advocacy is for survival
Panic.

Panic is my resting state.

I'm much better than I used to be, and that alone warms my insides as much as it terrifies. That a life of stacking bricks has amounted to something real. Very real. I'm real…

I take a selfie every day since I started my transition. This was me the morning after the election:

11/9/16

But then I picked myself up and saw this reflected all around me: in the hearts of my vocal allies and in the cries of those whose bubble had just been burst.

I've been blessed with empowering moments where I find myself encouraging someone who has never tasted the bitter affirmation wafer of oppression.

Panic is my resting state. Oppression, silence, displacement, and violence are my heritage. Survival is my muse and fully living my heart's desire.

An alphabet soup of loss in the desert while numbering the stars. My identity is politics. Every breath a rebellion. Every day a revolution.

Take my hand. Together we can fly.

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