Palliativity 220: illusion
Even though I'm continuing to feel better than ever before, some habits are inescapable. For example, gauging my current chronic physical pain from 1-10 is as involuntary as breathing. This actually can be quite difficult since pain signals are extremely relative and yet highly polarized. How would you compare a paper-cut to a rolled ankle or a sinus headache to a kick to the shin? Imagine stifling that primal scream while actively participating in the narrative that is your life. Remaining objective and civilized comes down to observing your actions and your physical/emotional state of unrest at any given moment.
The body evolved to have a natural response to pain. With chronic pain, what you do with that impulse defines you.
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Palliativity 219: thirty
Today I turned 30.
I never used to think that these watershed birthdays had some arbitrary epicness assigned to them, but this year leaves me fairly convinced.
Until this past January, I'd pretty much resigned myself to crippling chronic pain forever. After this year in treatment I feel better than I've ever felt before. At thirty, Im getting my second chance at youth.
At the same time, the decades of labour I've put into my artwork and judo have catapulted me into this crazy life I'm leading with my love at my side. If you'd asked kid-sized me what I wanted to do when I grew up, the only professions missing on my resume are astronaut and dolphin trainer.
Unshackled from pain and with new found ambition, I'm not looking at life as just a series of unrelenting challenges. No longer am I dictated to settle by my lack of spoons. I'm free to grow and to improvise. For the first time in my adult life, I am free to do things my way and to live on my terms.
Here's to 30.
Our Fair City | http://ourfaircity.com — Photo by Sebastian Orr Photography 2013 | http://sebastianorrphoto.com
This party is just getting started 😉
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Palliativity 218: hyperbole
I love Hyperbole and a Half. Not enough awesome things can be said about its creator Allie Brosh.
As a fellow artist with a chronic condition, I am in awe of how Allie has crafted this entirely strange and disarming world of her memories, dogs, magical friends, dinosaur costumes, diabolical parents, intense emotional states and dead fish. The way that she addresses her past and present challenges head-on is an art all of its own. This rare interview with Allie as part of her recent book release reveals quite a bit about the women behind the shark-fin headed girl:
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Palliativity 217: dosed
A quick update from my post a month back:
I'm getting closer to where I want to be and that alone deserves it's own little celebration. I still have some bad pain days, but the improvement is that they're not EVERY DAY. The waiting game while finding the right balance of meds is a little tedious, but knowing that I'm on the right path to awesomeness makes it much easier to cultivate the required patience. From looking back at the overall pain experience of this incredible roller-coaster of a year, I should be well on my way to demi-god by 2015 😉
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Palliativity 216: impact ressonance
One of my favorite vloggers, Vsauce, tackles the science and implications of the Atomic Bomb:
"Is science of any value? I think the power to do something is of value.
Whether the result is a good thing or bad thing depends on how it is used, but the power is a value."
— Richard P. Feynman —
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Palliativity 215: Science Fiction/ Double Feature
Happy Halloween! Here's a few of my favorite humans being awesome together:
Didn't I say this was a double feature? Here is Neil and Amanda being adorable:
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