Musashi Mix Inq

Substance

Posted on December 10, 2016

A is for anxiety
B is for body dysphoria
C is for can’t
D is for death
E is for escape
F is for fear
G is for gatekeeper
H is for hope

Sorry— sometimes I get confused.

Alcohol is for anxiety
Vicodin is for pain
Hormones are for life
Lasers are for nerve endings
Advocacy is for survival
Panic.

Panic is my resting state.

I’m much better than I used to be, and that alone warms my insides as much as it terrifies. That a life of stacking bricks has amounted to something real. Very real. I’m real…

I take a selfie every day since I started my transition. This was me the morning after the election:

11/9/16

But then I picked myself up and saw this reflected all around me: in the hearts of my vocal allies and in the cries of those whose bubble had just been burst.

I’ve been blessed with empowering moments where I find myself encouraging someone who has never tasted the bitter affirmation wafer of oppression.

Panic is my resting state. Oppression, silence, displacement, and violence are my heritage. Survival is my muse and fully living my heart’s desire.

An alphabet soup of loss in the desert while numbering the stars. My identity is politics. Every breath a rebellion. Every day a revolution.

Take my hand. Together we can fly.

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